Nobal Glomad

Every year a sizeable chunk of our city makes pilgrimage to witness a frenzy of planes, choppers, ferrythons and freestylers filling our Australia Day Harbour. Anything with any kind of water view is fold-out chair a plenty’d and eski packed with zinc nosed patriots. It’s the stand-out Ozzie primo pozzie battle through and through which sounds a little something like this:

Bloke 1: “Mate this is our spot”
Other Bloke: “Nah mate we were here before yous…”
(Pause and no one shifts…)
Bloke 1: “Mate…”
Other Bloke: “…Mate…”
Wife of Bloke 1: “Bruce! Shift the f’in snags and let the man cook his bloody burgers you bloody idiot… it’s f’n Austraya Day!”
(Pause… they all laugh and crack open another long neck)
Unison: “Happy Austraya Day!”

Before divulging the illusive top 10, here’s some brief facts you may have forgotten since primary school:

• 11 ships sailed for 8 long months making the journey from Beckham-land to Kylie-ville
• 1,487 people, including 778 convicts were onboard
• 26th January is not the fleet’s true arrival date. On the 26th the land was officially claimed as British soil as our Indigenous people stood afar somewhat confused
• Captain Cook had already hopped skipped and sailed our shores 18 years earlier.
• The decks were full of sheep, goats, chooks, elephants, dogs and cats and pretty pink flamingos… all in pairs.

Enough with the history – back to 2011. There’s a zillion options for your day, and clearly you have your well hidden favourite. Here’s my two cents worth:

If only you’d stuck it out with Arts/Law or joined the Macquarie Club. Now’s the time to network your butt off, or, like I do, marry a friend’s planned for retirement father a few weekends a year (Charles C. you are a rockstar…  muchos gracias). Boldly suggest your useless crew skills are indispensable for the day, ensure a bottle of French is tote-packed then sit back, sport the mirror Raybans and ogle as you glide under our Harbour Bridge. Nothing beats number one.

Crowded Factor: A delectable 2/10

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2. Your mate’s backyard (+ inflatable Kmart Pool)

The hands down best and unbeatable land destination de jour. Pack the eski with ice n’ Aussie brew, cup-la-kilos-a-prawns, some mango lime salsa (fancy!), the boardies, some Acca-Dacca, a dozen lamingtons, the passionfruit pav and a pair of stylin’ Ozzie flagged boxers.

Crowded Factor: A perfect 5/10

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3. McKell Park

A few friends have tied the knot at this quintessential park/garden/jetty point. It’s open from 7am – 7.30pm and it’s free. I’m going with it being moderately packed with ‘GAP’ dressed toddlers and a serious wicker basket contingent. It’s deliciously manicured with lots of green patches and shady spots to park it for the afternoon. If there’s room head down to the Jetty area.

On a venue note, Canonbury Cottage is located in the park and available for hire 365 for only $140 for a wedding… bargain! It need’s to be an intimate affair for 30 though. You couldn’t ask for a more view hugging tie the knot spot.

Crowded Factor: A more than usual 7/10

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4. Neilson Park

I was at a mate’s apartment around the corner a few years ago and remember a Westfield worthy barrage of street parkers up the hill from Neilson. One family was spotted manoeuvring a four wheel drive 20 burner BBQ to their temporary harbourside dining room. Noice! Like McKell it’s green parkland down to the water’s edge but the big plus is the shark netted swimming area. There’s also some decent food around but do yourself a queue-free favour and self cater.

Crowded Factor: Get off my f’n picnic rug mate 9/10

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5. Observatory Hill

Randomly, the Observatory is open to the public on the 26th. Unless your kids are screaming for some telescope time I’d avoid it like the Boxing Day sales. Most weekends I’d happily push Observatory Hill as the perfect king of the castle afternoon chillout. On Oz day prepare for a suburban Rocks overspilling onslaught. The view does take the cake though. Make sure you land a shady spot or it’s char-grilled kids for supper.

Crowded Factor: Great sweat it out views 7.5/10

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6. Darling Harbour | Hyde Park | The Rocks

Eugh. If you like sky party bangers or stage shows with the Wiggles then these are the spot kings. Darling Harbour‘s big show is from 7-9pm with… wait for it, the official address by our Premier! It’s free and on a good note the Salvos will be down there raising funds for our poor water-logged Queenslanders. On a worth attending note there will be Aussie Shorts at the Harbourside Amphitheatre from 12-4pm featuring a selection of local short film.

As for Hyde Park my first thought would be to “Run Forrest run”. If you’re feeling dinky bloody di join the queue for the Great Aussie BBQ and some random main stage entertainment. There’s also a wine garden featuring W.A.’s Little Creatures (When you’re in Perth make sure you drop by their Brewery for lunch) and Petaluma Plonk.

The Rocks is serving up true blue multi-staged outdoor entertainment at its Festival of Voice. Music ranges from pop, rock, funk, soul, blues and reggae… all 10 hours of it. The line up is quality with performances by the ethereal Katie Noonan supported by The Captains, Casey Donovan, Andy Bull (bizarre voice but with some refining has the ability to be a superb song writing talent) and the Tijuana Cartel. The Markets will be open, as will the multitude of pubs about.

Crowded Factor: A scary/good honest dive-in 10/10

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7. Rose Bay to Watsons Bay Walk

Fancy being on foot? This is my ‘yet to do’ random for the week. You’ll need a decent 4 hours to leg it from A to B, passing through at least 5 swimming spots, several patches of green, some stupidly big harbour fronting homes, Neilson Park and Parsley Bay for a made it more than half-way snack, and the odd Kooka laughing in a gumtree. Map and details here.

Crowded Factor: No worries… you’ll be on the move 6/10

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8. Bondi Beach

Corporate Sponsorship central hits main beach with the Havaianas Australia Day Thong Challenge. Something tells me there’ll be the odd Brit hanging about. Bondi’s big so you’ll most likely find a spot away from the big splash. The atmosphere will be alive, just give yourself an hour to find a parking spot and remember, no boozing on the beach (boring!).

Crowded Factor: Swim with the crowd in Sydney’s biggest pool 8/10

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9. Middle Head

Here I go again blowing the The Lower North’s trumpet. And rightly so. Middle Head’s harbour in my view takes the vista cake. Gazing back at the city the 270˚ spans Fort Dennison to the Bridge. Head to the amphitheatre on the point for the best view. I’d recommend Busing it there as parking is ridiculously tight. There’s a wonderful concrete jetty below which I will, one day, host the most perfect of open air tea parties.

Crowded Factor: Sensibly busy 7/10

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10. A stupid last resort Gen Y option: Vegemite Wrestling @ Doctor Pong’s

OK firstly I was asking myself where the hell is Doctor Pongs? After Googling it, I came to the realisation I am completely out of the Oxford Street loop. This bar stands on the site where Chicane, my stomping ground of some 10+ years ago stood old boy. If you’re interested in bikini clad boob jobs jumping around in inflatables filled with black veggie extract then slip n’ slide down to 1a Burton St, Darlinghurst.

Crowded Factor: A small concentration of Big Day (bogan) Out’ers 9/10

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Enough said. Go forth, celebrate and get silly. Show me some love and send me your ‘busting to share’ magic 11th hot spot. From the bottom of my heart for Wednesday I love youse all and… “Happy bloody %$^#@# Australia Day!”