Nobal Glomad

Mr Melbournite:
“All that incessant Sydney noise and attitude… is it too busy-bee’d and stupidly over-priced? Damn right. The culture-less void begins and ends at that English Backpacker-fied Bondi Beach topping 35˚C on Christmas Day. Bogan!”

Mr Sydneyphile:
“Melbourne? Boring! It’s one big yuppified vintage-everything’d Newtown. It’s too flat. Build some hills… something remotely undulating. Why do Victorian girls feel it necessary to dye their hair electric pink? Yuck!”

And so continues the stereotypical street-speak you’ve read about, responded to or perhaps agreed with over a mid-week a.m. soy moccachino. It’s high time all this media-hyped nonsense was officially insinkerator’d. We should be mutually thankful for a ‘not the same as us’ scenario just and hour and a bit in each direction. Something different to zip to for a weekend with a fresh-faced take on what maketh a day-to-day local experience.

In Europe it’s taken for granted that a Friday afternoon channel crossing will transport you from London to central Marais-ville just in time for an early eve dozen escargot and house vino. On our side of the globe, an hour or so on the red rattler out of Sydney lands you in ‘the Gong’ or The Three Sisters… not quite the same cultural diverse convenience that’s on tap in the Northern Hemisphere.

Sydney’s the bikini clad sun worshipping beauty lazing by the harbour pool, surfing the Eastern shore’s flawless foaming crests and brunching it at Bills No.8. She’s defiant of anything to do with Winter (like a few days ago… 8˚C… it simply didn’t happen). You’ll inevitable queue for brekkie and the timer’s ticking for your departure as soon as you’ve placed your free-range fair trade order. She loves a Westfield parking space battle, a sunset bevvie at the Opera Bar or North Bondi Italian, and in every wallet there’s a non-cancellable Fitness First membership.

Melbourne’s the back-lane’d culture vulture with an enviable indoor sense of style we, as Burley Katon Halliday’d Sydney-siders can at best only mimic rather than respond to with anything overly innovative or resplendent. Eight cafés open in Melbourne a day, and at least seven of them have their own unique take on street credibility. Drop in for late brunch and settle in for the afternoon… there’s certain to be a table free. Go running at 6am and you own the city. Go out for weeknight drinks and enjoy a local, diverse and relaxed happier in the later hours ambience.

Consider if you will Justin Hemmes’ Sydney CBD monolithic Ivy development. The fit-out is a creative mega-floor’d purge from renowned Melbourne interior’s firm Hecker Phelan Guthrie. The sense of theatre and fabric immersion couldn’t possibly have been conceptualised by a Sydney-ite… way too much colour, plush and garish Miami-fied inspiration. And it works. The hoards flock in their mini skirt’d over-plucked 1,000s on Friday and Saturday nights to be seen at the Circ de Soleil ‘mutton strutting as lamb’ venue. Sydney-ites are quick to slam the Hemmes-man’s hunger for hospitalitised expansion, but there’s no denying with the assistance of his southern creative talent, he’s put Sydney on the world class cha-ching’d leisure and entertainment stage.

Compare Melbourne’s Docklands development with Sydney’s Meriton-ville which straddles the void between CBD and airport. Docklands have successfully managed to create new urban environments with a story, a vision, a sense of place and a sense of creating a new thinking space. Meriton on the flipside has taken to building with mega-tonned lego blocks, creating an ad-hoc waiting-to-happen slum zone with no sense of intrigue or integration.

Hit the 30+ Ozzie summer heat waves though and Melbourne melts. A girlfriend of mine recently paddle boarded in St Kilda Bay to escape the rising temperature. Before entering the water in full-body wet suit she signed a waiver ‘just in case’ she contracted some toxic waste recreational condition… Melbourne’s not intended for Summer. I liken the experience to a London boiler, when the white-legged pudgies flock to Hyde Park in their M&S briefs to paddle in the water features. It’s a far cry from Sydney’s Northern Beaches.

As Margaret Pomeranz says… “Melbourne’s where the cultural blossoming is happening in Oz… Sydney’s biggest problem is that it’s too God damn beautiful”. She sums up my rant perfectly. The diversity of offering between the two cities is clear. With a little give an take we can still hold onto their individualism and charm whilst still giving each other a hand to improve the hiccups.

Melbourne’s Pizza and Football. Sydney’s Meat Pies and Union. Sydney’s all about the heels and metrosexual hair product, Melbourne’s the twirl of a black umbrella, a sleeve tattoo and tweed.

I won’t bore you with more of this non-debatable nonsense. I say thank God for variety of experience in our boutiqely-populated island. I’m asking Santa for 6 months in each… November to April in Sydders, May to October in Melbs.

So, being on the Sydney side of this nonsensical discussion I, like a smack-starved travel lustering junkie, last weekend jammed the ultra light scale-tipping carry-on with five day’s worth of wintery Southern State grey and black palette’d essentials. In my current unsettled post-globe-hopping state, my pulse seemed to return to normal, the glint re-sparkling in my well-packed eye. Presently, as long as I’m somehow en-route to Kingsford Smith every 6 to 8-ish weeks I remain medicated and stable.

The weather was perfectly Fitroy friendly. Overcast, low humidity and fresh enough for a decorative Lake Como purchased cotton weave scarf.

Here’s a few faves on the north of the river circuit you may enjoy on your next trip down. Oh and a word of warning… skip the whole Tiger Air experience. It’s crass, horse dung class air travel that needs returning offshore from whence it came.

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Enoteca Wine Bar

Surely Clover Moore dropped by some years ago commenting to her buddies “I want one of these in my street”. Enoteca is the personification of Melbourne’s ‘yum snack with a by-the-glass’ casual nookery. It’s perfectly compact and feels loved. There’s a lab-sized flagon of no-brand backyard grape juice occasionally on offer, and a menu of perfectly simple fare focused on fineness of flavour and your delayed leaving comfort.

229 Gertrude Street, Fitzroy  |  +61 3 9415 8262
gertrudestreetenoteca.com

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Manna e Fatto

Across the way on Gertrude Street sits a non-chained localery with trays of brownies, cookies and no bullshit baking. For all the Gluten freebies there’s a smart half-dozen choices of loaf. I sampled one for brekkie and they’ve nailed a wheat replacement that tastes the goods. My Fitzroy celiac mate is in her vegemite and toast happy place. Did I say brownies? Get one and don’t share it, scoffing your face as you window shop the strip into Smith or Brunswick Street. Also I’ve heard they employ people on the street who need a hand… teach them a trade. Double thumbs up.

228 Gertrude Street, Fitzroy

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De Clieu

As I continued to stroll Gertrude Street I indulged in an iPod broadsheet.com.au (rockstar Melbourne online guide, a must checkout) podcast, the interviewer asking in-the-know editor Nick Shelton for his favourite on the street tip. He said check out De Clieu… I looked up… I had arrived. Think twirled moutaches, brille cream, ginger beards, crisply pressed shirts and aprons, great nerd-alert multi-bean’d baristas, and a simple menu that Sydney is concerningly far from emulating.

187 Gertrude St, Fitzroy  |  +61 3 9416 4661

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Journal Café

To stroll into Circular Quay’s Custom’s House Library and have Journal Café on the front door? One can only dream. This is my favourite-ist Melbourne favourite. Their Avocado on toast is simple perfection. It took me a while to figure out the secret to their flawless toast-topping geometry… the elementary egg slice gives their avocado the perfect fan symmetry topping for my dense sourdough. A big plungable bowl of lentil soup heats the innards as a friend and I sit uninterrupted for an hour. There’s no sense of move on here. Style with a cosy bookish factor.

253 Flinders Lane, Melbourne CBD  |  +61 3 9650 4399

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Dandelion

I love a beautiful story evolving behind a brand. Eating out demands a certain level of theatre to enrich the why you want to eat here factor. Sydney does Thai mastery. Melbourne’s Geoff Lindsay does Vietnamese finery. After asking for a sampling to be ordered for us the food flowethed. Rice paper rolls stuffed with crab, pork and fresh herbs, duck curry mastery, ribs dripping in gooey sweet marinade and banana blossom salad. The dining room is homey and the hanging potted garden a splendid centerpiece.

133 Ormond Road, Elwood  |  +61 3 9531 4900
dandelion.ws

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Enjoy. Live. Love